I’m not sure if any of you have ever experienced this or felt this way but, my whole life, I’ve been an outcast, living on the fringes of society. But, the thing is, even outcasts eventually find their nitche. So I’m more than just an outcast (an estranged lone-wolf maybe?).
I was doing a rewatch of the Nepenthe episode of Picard and, when Troi was telling Soji about Thad and how he said he never had a home world, that hit so hard for me. I have never belonged anywhere in my life; metaphorically speaking, I’m a clanless nomad. I have always felt different, like REALLY different. All I ever wanted to do was help others and make a positive difference in the world; be remembered for doing good and leaving the world a better place.
I’ve always been incredibly sensitive in all meanings of the word. I’m allergic/sensitive to most medications, chemicals, weather patterns/systems, etc. Also, emotionally, I’m incredibly sensitive. I feel things much more strongly than everyone I know. I also have a tendency to mirror others emotions, aliments, etc. For instance, when my dog was sick I didn’t just feel bad that she was suffering, but I got the physical symptoms she was experiencing. Same when family members are ill or injured. I’ve been bullied for this my whole life, accused of making things up and being attention-seeking.
In fact, I wrote about this in a creative writing class in grade 12 and the teacher called the crisis team on me for being ‘mentally umstable’. I spent 4 days in mental hospital with the doctors pumping God knows what into my body. Doctors have labeled me with a litany of mental/neurological illnesses (bipolar, Schitzophrenia, autism and so on) to explain why I’m so sensitive to the world at large, only to rescind the label when further testing showed I didn’t have that particular condition.
I’ve never met anyone like me. Maybe that’s why I like Trek so much. You don have to change who you are to fit into the norm. It’s okay to be different, to be yourself. Even Barclay was accepted in the end, despite being socially awkward. In Voyager, Seven was eventually accepted despite being Borg and not understanding emotions or human customs (same with Data). The way that everyone became a family, despite their differences, and helped and accepted one another - I want that so, so badly.
There is a positive to this story. I’ve shared before how both Marina and her character of Deanna Troi saved my life (literally saved me from offing myself). I’ve shared how her character was the only character/being that I found myself relating to. But I wanted to share the full story with you guys (especially you Marina). Tori embraced her empathy, her physical and emotional sensitivity. Even when others treated her differently or poorly when they found out she was a Betazed, Troi didn’t let those individuals get to her and she didn’t try to stifle her empathy or change who she was. Rather, Troi embraced it and used her ability to help others, which leads me to another point; Troi viewed her emotional sensitivity as a strength and not a weakness or a flaw.
I still struggle with this, but I am trying to embrace myself and my identity as well, even if society says being highly emotional and sensitive is wrong. It’s who I am. I can’t change it or turn it off and, deep down, I don’t want to. Troi (and Marina) have taught me not to hate myself, but rather embrace my individuality. And I have hope that I will find my niche, my homeworld, one day. So, thank you Marina for everything.
"Also, emotionally, I’m incredibly sensitive. I feel things much more strongly than everyone I know. I also have a tendency to mirror others emotions, aliments, etc" - I feel you. I've got the same thing. It can be such a burden. I can feel, sense someone's emotions, it's like a sixth sense. I strongly resonate people's emotions.
Speaking of Star Trek and not fitting in. All my life I've been told I'm ugly. It's ironic because I honestly don't know what I look like to other people. This subject is explored in TOS's "Is There In Truth No Beauty".
Reading through everything that everyone has posted here, I don't know if it's simply true that everyone has their struggles in life, and therefore everyone is able to name them, or if Star Trek really does attract people who have faced difficulties and challenges. I'd venture to say that it's a little of both.
I could write a list of struggles I have faced (and continue to face) in my life, but it would honestly just bring down my mood to dwell on it enough to do that, so I will just say that I have had my share.
I think Star Trek is a comfort show because it's a future that's not perfect, but it's very full of hope. Many people can see the things that have made them feel bad or less than solved and/or accepted. We can see bits and pieces of ourselves represented as "OK," and we see people that we would like to know as friends and "family."
Star Trek represents a world where you can imagine that the bad simply happens less and, when it does happen, there is an amazing support system waiting to help make everything better.
Hugs to everyone for the negative situations you have encountered and endured. You came through it, and you will keep coming through it. Here's hoping that positive future comes for everyone!
I was verbally and mentally abused growing up. I was literally the ugly red headed stepchild and was treated as such, being told I was fat, ugly, stupid, never amount to anything. I was picked on for having red hair all through school.
But now as an adult ? If you don't like me, sod off (as Marina says)! Grown adults shouldn't be bullying anyone for who they are or what they look like, etc.
I was born to stand out. There you have it.
My children too. They're very different from their peers. They're no longer apologetic for it. My daughter in particular is the one I worried about for awhile. But she adjusted to the idea that she is exactly who she should be. And I want you to think about that.
This thread also reminds me of the Jim Henson song it's not easy being green. People thought that it was about Kermit the Frog. But he said it was also about him. And then there was Bill Gates. I think he was bullied. But now who's having the last laugh? Interesting way that one turned out.
I also suffered a lot of humiliation because I wear glasses.But years later I realized that I'm glad I'm not one of them.I didn't become such a gray, narrowed intellectual horizon like them.I became a much better person and found many more friends because I dared to go beyond the borders of my country on the Internet.Perhaps because of the experiences I've had, I accept the essence of Star Trek much more.The importance of TNG in my life is confirmed by several members of this small team.